Movies: Sherlock Holmes (2010)

titleNo, when your movie is this bad, you’re not allowed to make that claim!

Director: Rachel Goldenberg
These people are in it:  Ben Snyder (Holmes), Gareth David-Lloyd (Watson), Dominic Keating (Thorpe Holmes)

collarOh for the love of … and what’s up what that ^ collar?!

I did it, I finally did it.  I actually watched this movie.  It’s been haunting my every move for months (on Netflix).  However, I knew I could not do it alone.  No, if I was going to watch this, I was damn well going to take someone down with me.  Indeed, I found two willing someones (the poor sods never stood a chance).

whatfreshWhat fresh Hell is this?

Yes, this movie is truly abysmal.  It was produced by The Asylum, so I had fair warning.  The acting is a disgrace; I’d say the two leads were miscast, but that would be to acknowledge that what Helen Pritchard did was “casting”.  I thought maybe the prospect of dinosaurs terrorizing London would be amusing, but I quickly began to root for them to eat Holmes and Watson.

toothyFaster Toothy, kill, kill!

There are several low-budget ways in which this movie could have been made acceptable, but I’m already too tired to enumerate them.  I’m going to go try to forget I ever watched this.

robertSherlock’s real name is Robert Holmes?!  Excuse me while I go cry in a corner …

 

The Bottom Line:  Our attempts to riff this movie quickly devolved into groans of mental anguish and Stockholm Syndrome-esque nervous laughter.  Avoid at all costs–do not let our suffering have been in vain.

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